God is really working on me. He is so good and faithful! I thank Him that all I have to do is call on His name and He hears my prayer. If you do not know Jesus, He knows you and wants you to know Him.
That said, we are in another trial right now. Two months ago, I would have been a completely useless puddle of tears. This time, while the trial is harder and more gut wrenching, I am able to pray throughout my day with a strange peace. My flesh cries out for action, more emotion, but those things will not fix anything.
We are taking action, it is not dramatic. We are not leaving things to solve themselves either. It may seem like we are fine and nothing heartbreaking is happening in our family, let me assure you we all hurt. This sucks and I don’t like any of it. I hate that my precious child has chosen the path he is on and I hate the examples that glamorized this life to him. I want to scream and cry and hurt others because my pain is deep.
But in the midst of all this, there is peace that surpasses all understanding. There is hope beyond hope. There is love that is as deep as the sea, as high as the heavens and as wide as the universe. I will fear no evil. If God is for me, who can be against me?
My God loves me and my children more than we can fathom. I rest in Him. He is my rock and my stronghold.
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched meand you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
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